


watercolor bruises

by Whoops_heck



Series: we're not perfect [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Denial, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Manipulation, Sad, poor kenma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 20:56:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11260839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoops_heck/pseuds/Whoops_heck
Summary: Bruises are better than abandonment.Being hurt is better than being forgotten.At least that's how Kenma feels,'I knew you weren't good for me. Pitying looks were thrown my way all the time. But the shapes of hands printed in purple around my arms reminded me I was still good for something'





	watercolor bruises

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know anymore, i really don't know. I like to make my boys suffer what can I say. Enjoy!
> 
> p.s Hot venom is a good song

Kuroo Tetsurou, the only man who ever loved me. The only man who ever gave me a second look. The only one who thought that under a quiet voice and dyed hair that there was something more.

You took me in and spun me around, showed me the stars and kissed me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered. And for a moment I was.

It was just you and I.

You paint water colors on my skin and make my monsters disappear in the wind. They're not gone, never gone, but the breeze blocks out their voices just a little and everything is ok. With a stroke of your brush you leave me blushed. Red smeared across my face growing with every second. 

You never were a very good artist but I never said anything because if I was your canvas everything would be alright. 

If I was your canvas you couldn't leave me.

If I was your canvas then you actually needed me. This wasn't some sick one sided obsession. You needed me and I wasn't just some stupid side kick. Useless little nothing. A burden in your life.

I've always needed you. Always. No matter the time or place or whether the voices in my head yelled or stayed terrifyingly silent, I always needed you.

I knew you weren't good for me. Pitying looks were thrown my way all the time. But the shapes of hands printed in purple around my arms reminded me I was still good for something.

And if I wasn't your canvas, then you didn't need me.

It hurts.

It really fucking hurts to think about how eventually you will leave me for something better. You will leave me just like everyone else. One day I'll wake up to skin free of blues and purples and sunsets and strokes of paint.

One day I'll wake up alone.

And I should be happy, be glad I'm free of you. But I really fucking needed you, I needed something to anchor me back to reality. To keep me in check. To remind me that I am here and I am in a relationship. That I shouldn't hang out with Shoyou so much. That dressing like that will get me harassed like a slut. That I've eaten enough. That if I do that one more time you'll leave me.

You never really needed me anyway. You where fine all by you lonesome. It's fine I suppose. I just have to prepare myself. 

Maybe the bandaid needs to be ripped off. Maybe I shouldn't slow down the inevitable. Perhaps I should get it over with, leave you before you have the chance to profess your love for someone else. I can pack my bags and leave in the night.

Maybe if I go than it won't hurt as bad to see you with someone else.

It's a better plan than most of the one's I'd created. Including: suicide, murder-suicide, faking my death and moving to Peru, and confronting you.

Now the last one might seem like a good idea but it is not paint you leave on my skin. 

If I confront you then I will be lost in browns and purples and bruises and cuts. I will be nothing more than a broken mess on the floor.

So I won't confront you but merely sit by your side and flinch when you gestures with your hands.

I will dream of leaving in the night.

I will dream of being stronger, strong enough to leave you.

But they're merely dreams, figments of my imagination that drift through my mind like a melancholy smile.

Maybe one day I'll be strong enough but until then I'll let you splatter purple hues on my skin.

I'll be your canvas until eventually I'll cave in and implode.

An explosion of color and beauty,

then I will truly be free.

Liberated from you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed
> 
> Comment, kudo, bookmark, idk rrally i just crave affirmation.
> 
> Literally i just hope you had a grand 'ol time reading my story


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